“SELF-COMPASSION, OR SELF-PITY?”
A dear friend and I were talking about the need to be kind, even (especially?) to ourselves. However, we decided—or, perhaps, he decided and I agreed—that it was crucial to distinguish between self-pity and self-compassion.
Self-pity is ugly and unhealthy. Self-compassion is lovely and legitimate. In a sense, self-pity is counterfeit compassion.
But how do you tell the difference? Counterfeits are not easily identified. They are not designed to be. I’ve noticed that it is much easier to catch counterfeit “self-compassion” when someone else is trying to pass a bogus bill. Not so easy when I’m doing it.
However, . . .
However, I think I can propose some helpful ways of distinguishing these two look-alikes. At least, these are helpful when I actually practice them.
One way of distinguishing between self-compassion and self-pity is that self-compassion helps me to be more compassionate toward others. Self-pity means that I am collapsing on myself.
Another way of telling the difference is that self-compassion is usually accomplished in a moment, whereas self-pity tends to settle in for a longer stay. If I try to hang on to a hurt, it is a sure sign of self-pity.
Finally, self-compassion tends to energize me, while self-pity saps my strength and will. A question that I always need to ask myself is this: Is this feeling feeding my energy for accomplishing good things? If not, I need to give it the old heave-ho!
What do you think, dear readers? Are there other ways that you have discovered to distinguish these two? They may look alike, but their DNA is not the same. Neither are their effects the same.
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