“EVEN NOW”
Friday, May 18, 2018
I am not a particularly good server at Bob Evans. I recognize this fact, and acknowledge it. I’m old and slow and scattered, and I screw up—a lot.
However, I show up, work hard, and try to be kind and attentive to my customers. I genuinely like customers, and am glad that I can try to serve them.
Last night, I did such a poor job of serving a family of four that the manager comped their entire meal, worthy about $60.00. I told her she needed to fire me, but she didn’t agree. The family still left me a $5.00 tip. I felt as if I should tip them.
My last table, a three-top, were very gracious and patient. I thanked them, and told them that it had been a rough night. I had made every mistake that could be made, and even some mistakes that couldn’t be made.
One lady said, “I waited tables when I was about half your age. I couldn’t even imagine doing it now.” I have a difficult time imagining doing it myself.
Last night, I came home hurting badly in places I didn’t even know I had. After a pretty good 6 ½ hours of sleep or so, I feel much better. Tonight, I go back and try to do it again. Hopefully, I’ll do better tonight.
Of course, I tend to live my life in a regretful, self-pitying manner. If only I had done what I should have done as a pastor, if only I had avoided sin, if only I were still a pastor, I wouldn’t have to work so hard at a profession that is not helped by a Ph.D. in theology, if only . . ., if only . . .
But, of course, “if-onlys” are worse than useless. They are a kind of anti-confession that merely saps my strength and irritates others. “If only” is one of the ugliest, most futile expressions in the English/American language.
The Old Testament prophet Joel sets against such “if-onlys” an uncompromisingly direct “even-now.”
“Even now– this is the LORD’s declaration– turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning.” (Joel 2:12, Holman Christian Standard Bible)
Joel had portrayed the devastating judgment upon Judah with the words that suggest either a catastrophic invasion of locusts (if he is speaking literally), or a catastrophic invasion of an army (if he is speaking metaphorically). In any case, the portrait he paints is quite dark. The people of Judah are portrayed as starving.
However, Joel also holds out some hope. “Even now,” Joel writes in 2:12. It is never too late to repent. It is never too late to do the next right thing. It is never too late to hope. It is never too late to trust God. It is never too late to love and let myself be loved.
Even now!
In the midst of writing this blog, I just got word that a good twelve-step friend died. But even now, the living go on living. Even now, I must decided to live through and for and with God.
Even now.
(There is a wonderful sermon entitled “Even Now,” by C.H. Spurgeon, based on Martha and the raising of Lazarus from the dead, at https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/spurgeon_charles/sermons/2249.cfm.)
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