Questions to Ask Before I say Anything
I am probably the only person who struggles with saying hurtful things, even (especially?) when I am trying to say something nice.
I frequently don’t even understand why the other person was hurt. So, I take refuge in the old dodge, “But I didn’t mean to hurt you!”
That’s a lie sometimes. There are times when I am trying to hurt the other person, but I’m just trying to do it by a stealth attack. Whenever I’m sure I’m innocent, I am almost certainly guilty.
And even when it isn’t a lie, it is not helpful. The question is not, “How did I mean that?” Rather, the question is, “How might the other person interpret that?”
Admittedly, there are some people who routinely take everything as an insult. The best thing I can do when I am around such folks is not to be around such folks.
But what can I do to minimize the madness of unnecessary madness?
I can ask myself certain questions before I speak. Is this true? Is this kind? Is it really necessary to say this? Is this said in the kindest possible manner? How might the other person take this?
I would be a much slower conversationalist if I asked these questions before I said anything. I would also do less harm and more good with my tongue.
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