“ON (MAYBE) HAVING A DISEASE I DIDN’T USED TO BELIEVE WAS REAL”
I used to believe that fibromyalgia was not a real thing. It was easy to be a disbeliever, since I didn’t have it. However, over the years, I’ve come to accept that it is a real thing.
It became really easy today, because I am aching all over. I went to the doctor. My vital signs were all great, which is . . . great! However, the doctor was really puzzled by my symptoms. I was actually somewhat pleased when she said, “I have no idea what’s going with you.” I never trust anyone who never says, “I don’t know.”
However, I do trust my wife! She lives with my pretty much all the time, and she is a nurse. Furthermore, I have had things in the past that she diagnosed long before the doctors and medical procedures verified them. So, when she said, “You know, this sounds kind of like fibromyalgia,” I was listening. Pain that nearly doubles you over sometimes helps you to hear better.
So, we each did a bit of research, and sure enough, the vague (but intense) symptoms seemed to fit. In addition, some things that I read about possible contributing factors sounded like some things I have been going through—anxiety, lack of sleep, and so on. Some things that help ease the pain also sounded like some things I had been intuitively doing.
I was especially struck by the anxiety piece. The truth is that I most certainly have some anxiety right now. I am about to teach a class I’ve never taught before, in a program that I’ve never taught in before, using Accordance Bible software, which I downloaded less than a week ago. And, from the time I was asked to teach the class, until the first class was just over two weeks.
Yes, I would say that anxiety could be an issue!
However, it occurred to me that there was something I hadn’t done. I hadn’t prayed.
Now, I believe in God (most of the time). And I also believe that God answers prayer. Whether it is the answer we want is a completely separate matter.
But God has been so good to me, has given me so many wonderful things, that I hesitate to ask for one more. Why, in Heaven’s Name, shouldn’t I hurt?! After all, I’ve had a good life.
As soon as I verbalized this thought to my wife, I heard how stupid it sounded. God is not constrained! God can bless and bless and bless again. Why shouldn’t I pray for healing?
So, I did. And I took a nap. When I got up, I felt much better. I could stand straight, not looking like a human question mark.
And another thing: For the past, I don’t know, two months (?), whenever I am inclined to entertain regrets, I send Jesus to the door. For some reason, regrets seem to be scared of him. They do not come in. Instead, they run away.
So, I thought to myself, anxieties are actually just regrets that I have imported from the future. Why not send Jesus to the door whenever anxieties knock?
If I deal creatively with anxieties (or rather, let Jesus deal with them), the pain may go away. At the very least, sending Jesus to the door may help substantially.
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